Our Own Curriculum Wars

Sue Patterson

Back in the ’90’s when the internet was still young…


We had loaded up our car in San Antonio and we were moving to Alaska. Really. We were.

My husband was in the Air Force and we had decided that on this move, we’d make the break with the school system and set out on our homeschooling adventure!


An exponential shift seemed to be happening.


When we first considered leaving the school system, I could find only religiously-oriented catalogs to help me figure out more about homeschooling resources. The internet wasn't as it is today, overwhelming us all with options.

So, there I was, combing through The Elijah Company catalog – they had some awesome science kits.
Or I’d scan the list of Sonlight for an enormous array of literature. And even after we had started homeschooling (because we did not start as unschoolers), I looked at Cathy Duffy and Mary Pride’s gigantic books of curriculum options.


It was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole!

I had NO Idea...

I could visualize my little guys (then 7, 5, and 2) diving into a semester’s worth of curriculum with enthusiasm and glee. The story I had created in my head of what that would look like – with the help of all those curriculum pushers – was divine. The more I read, the more I felt like I needed! How would they learn to spell without that  Sing, Spell, Read and Write ? How would they learn about the body without access to every DK book on the planet?


The more I discovered, the more inadequate I felt.


My bookshelves began to bulge. I started talking to other people about all of their curriculum choices. Entire park days were spent comparing and contrasting everything anyone had run across. It felt so frenetic. We were so worried we’d do it wrong, choose poorly, or spend our money on something that would sit on the shelf unused. Yet we were pulled to continue our quest for curriculum that would perfectly fit our little ones.


The friends we kept didn’t help our situation. (yes, I still love them dearly). But this time period was also the early years of something called The IDEA Program. Someone had just figured out a way to get kids signed up into the school system yet still remain homeschoolers. The school system would make their daily allotment per child, and they’d let these kids – our kids – be “distance learners.” They supplied our curricula, and even gave us a new computer. It was the birth of Charter Schools.



These were the days of dial-up, weird noises as you waited to get connected, and “You’ve Got Mail!”


Wild Times...

As unschoolers, we were skeptical. People were warning us that we weren’t “real homeschoolers” if we used these programs. In fact, they were right, we were part of a school district. But it was hundreds of miles away and no one ever darkened our doorstep. As a small group of parents, confident in our unschooling by this point, we decided to see what would happen. The administration assured us that we could interpret learning in whatever way we chose.


We swung over to the local Holiday Inn where they were handing out computers for every family enrolled. It was so disorganized, they were handing these desktop computers out hotel room windows! It definitely looked shady, but we shrugged and accepted the loot. We met at our monthly Moms’ Night Out meeting, comparing notes. We knew that when they’d ask us to do testing, we’d pull out of their program. That seemed to be the line we were drawing. But for now, that wasn’t the case at all.


So we put in orders for Playmobile to study Medieval times, nature center and science museum memberships, horseback riding lessons and whale sight-seeing trips. Lest you think we were simply bilking the system, we only received a fraction of the money that the school district received for enrolling us. What we didn’t get to use, built a new school for one of the native Alaskan villages, giving them small planes to work on so they could learn mechanics. (Small planes are used all over Alaska, so this is a trade they’d be able to use.) It paid for teachers and personnel to staff these new schools. And our kids were learning tons every day, playing, exploring and discovering.


Win, win, right?


We were still new to unschooling/homeschooling and even though I was quickly embracing the idea that I didn’t need  school experts to teach my children, I didn’t notice the tightening grip of curricula.


As the millennium turned and we left the 90’s, the internet opened up. We weren’t limited by what our neighboring homeschoolers had personally found - as had been the case when we started out – we could search online or ask in email groups. We even created lists and forums that reviewed products and shared obscure potential resources.

We were downright giddy! We made purchases – the packages were appealing – bright colors, engaging promises, cartoon-like characters. Each seeming to shout, “Choose me! I’m the solution you’re looking for!” And I believed them – so many times!


It’s as if a magnetic force field kept pulling us back!
We knew we didn’t want to send our little ones off to the local school... but the stuff! It was so appealing.


And our own anxiety was there too.. sometimes coming in as whispers, other times, a screaming banshee in the night!


Now in hindsight, I can see that we simply hadn’t cut the cord.


Curricula had become a crutch.


Sure, the toys and the memberships were used a lot, but a whole lot of other curricula that we were going to “try out,” went unused. Life got busy with three kids going in three different directions and we moved again – with all our stuff. As time progressed, that program tightened up, requiring tests and progress reports… so we bailed. Bureaucracies being what they are, no one ever asked for the stuff back.


So now that  my kids are all grown , I sit here with shelves in every room filled with dusty books, some unopened even. My kids are grown and gone.




5 Things I Learned:

What wonderful words of wisdom can I share with you?

  • Acquiring all that stuff was a distraction from what was right in front of me – my kids.
  • My anticipating what they might be interested in down the road, robbed them of the experience of searching and finding it for themselves.
  • I really identified with the idea of being a house with a lot of books. I liked that image. But for what purpose? When you have so many books that your kids gloss over when they see them all... that’s not a good thing.
  • Hanging on to all that stuff because someday grand babies might use it...? I’ve had to let that go. Save a few true favorites, and the rest can be discovered when the need arises. Or I’ll get’em an iPad. 
  • I can’t move into this new phase of post-homeschooling life without letting all the stuff go. There’s no room for a new beginning, if all the stories of the past occupy the space.


So... I wonder how many trips to Goodwill this is going to take?

Time to get started. Wish me luck!

Need to be around some other parents like you?


The Mom's Night Outs that we enjoyed when my kids were younger are few and far between these days. But something similar - and equally helpful - has been a great substitute. Virtual Groups mean you don't need to get a sitter, you don't even need to get dressed! And yet your confidence can grow just like mine did with our get-togethers!


Creating Confidence is a smaller online community where we really get to know and support each other. Each week, we hop onto 2 Zoom conferencing calls and talk about how it's going.
I'm in the group all week long, but love our Monday livestreams and our Wednesday coaching calls!
They're even recorded in case you miss it!

Join us! There's no big commitment. Stay as long as you like.


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Unschooling Red Flags January Signals You Shouldn’t Ignore Quite a few people didn’t send their kids back to school after the holiday break! For some, this is brand new. Fall didn’t go well and they’re just going to sit this one out. I get that. Others are continuing with what they’ve been doing. They weren’t in school last semester and they’re not going this semester either. And then some - a lot of you, from what I can tell - are inching more toward unschooling. Maybe you tried a modified homeschooling effort before the holidays, but it wasn’t great. Today I want to talk about Red Flags. And I want to encourage you not to ignore them! Ok! Whether you’re just here for a little inspiration (your weekly unschooling peptalk!) or it’s all new and you’re kinda nervous - I’m glad you’re here! I’m Sue Patterson, your host here on these Unschooling Mom2Mom podcasts. My kids are all grown - all in their 30s now - and I’m circling back to let you know that unschooling really does work. Door won’t close because you choose this unconventional path. You may have questions or worries - and that’s what I try to tackle here in the podcast. And then if you want to dive deeper or get more support, I have courses, and guides, ebooks and calendars. I do private coaching and have a FABULOUS membership group where you can talk with other parents on this path too. I’ll put links to all of this in the notes for you. We all go through different phases when we’re on this unschooling journey. Some are harder, some are easier. It’s one of the reasons I do this podcast. I want you to know that it’s worth it. It’s worth plowing through the confusion or even the criticism. Maybe your kids aren’t acting the way you thought they would. It’s a process for them too, you know. I always tell my membership group that parents have to undo all that schooled conditioning, all those ideas of what’s legit learning and what’s not, all those People Pleasing traits we picked up along the way. And the kids… they have to figure out how to handle all this freedom. And, let’s face it. We’re all human. And most of us, don’t get things right on the first pass. We inch along, a few steps forward, a few steps back… but when we stay with it, we make progress. So that’s what I want to help you do now. It’s January. A New Year. And a few of the questions are popping up: Especially, How are they learning what they need to know? It’s a bit of a loaded question… because sometimes, when we ask this, we already have a pre-set idea of what THINK they need to know. The Basics, right? Or some particular subject? And then, interestingly, we seem to move the goalposts as the kids master these things. Like, now they can read, but can they write? Or now they can divide up their cookies evenly, but what about their times tables… or even Algebra? Because then, as they get into the teen years, we have new goals, right? As I was talking on this week’s coaching call in my membership group, I was mentioning Red Flags. Because even if we have been unschooling a while, these little red flags pop up. Like “Are they learning enough?” “Are they behind other kids their age?” Am I Doing enough?” These are examples of red flags for you. It’s not the checkered flag that’s giving you the signal to push more on your kid or up the ante a little, or Go Go Go!. It’s your red flag telling you something is off. Truth is, you already know that. You feel it. It’s your nudge to do a little more deschooling. Or at LEAST bring these worries out into the open so you can look at them clearly. Where DO these fears come from? Are they based in facts or based in those feelings of familiarity? Because familiarity does not necessarily mean Truth. It just means you’ve heard it or thought it a lot - often enough that it FEELS familiar. But it really may not be the truth. That’s why shining the light to see - do I feel defensive about it? Justified? Have I thought it through with this unschooling lens, so to speak? Could they learn it later? Is the timing truly significant? Do others learn it later and they turn out ok? That’s why it helps to have a community of Unschoolers to bounce these ideas around with. You MAY stick with the original idea - but it will be deliberate and intentional. And if you’re only around mainstream people or traditional homeschoolers, it’s very possible that they’ll just reinforce the fear because THEY’d prefer that you get back into the conforming mode. They have a lot of reasons to do this - and it’s not always because it’s what’s best for YOUR child. That’s why it helps to strengthen your ideas about all of this. You don’t want to just blow whichever way the strongest wind blows. You want to make good solid choices that fit YOUR child. What would some other red flags be? If you are either feeling like my kid's not motivated, my kid's not doing anything, my kid doesn’t know math - or history or science… That's a red flag. If you think, I'm overwhelmed. Why are they asking so much of me? Nobody appreciates me. I’m feeling disengaged. That's a red flag. If you are thinking, the neighbor's kid is National Honor Society and my kid doesn't even know how to set up a division problem. Or, we just need more structure, this is too chaotic. More red flags. So what are yours? They’re not insurmountable. And, actually, Red Flags are helpful. They let you know what you need to work on. They’re your guideposts for what you need to tackle next. Identifying them is the first step. You can do it in a DIY way - Identify the issues that are your Red Flags, and then search the podcasts or the YouTube playlists for these topics. When you go to the blog associated with it - or even the descriptions for those audios or videos, I have additional resources linked that can help you dive deeper. If DIY isn’t really your think, and you’d like a little more help so you can move through this more quickly, I help parents do this in the Creating Confidence Membership group - and I have a lot of tools to help with this. You can always join us. And remember, podcast listeners and YouTUbe subscribers don’t have to pay the sign up fee. Just month-by-month. I’ll link to that too, because it may be a good time for you to get more help. I think I know a lot of the red flags, because I've probably had them all. Or I've certainly seen them all. I've definitely seen a variety of ways people can red flag themselves into a darn near panic attack. So don’t look away. They usually don’t resolve themselves and you deserve to have kinder voices in your head. If yours is particularly obnoxious, it’s important to look closely at the specifics. This will be the only way to know if the voices are right, or just nagging. Maybe it’s People Pleasing or Perfectionist traits that you need to dismantle. It’s important to do this, because it’s going to prevent you from having any Joy or enjoyment in these adventures. But also because your kids are watching how you cope… you may have removed them from the school setting, but did you bring home some of these attitudes YOU learned in school about performance and measuring or comparing, criticism and disappointment? Let’s get this out of the equation so you can assess the situation more accurately. So when you have a lot of fears popping up, see them as the red flags that they are. And take some Steps to work through them. Think about whether you really believe what you’re hearing, or is it someone else’s take on things? Can you think of any examples where this thought isn’t true? Specific examples. Then it’s time to do a little rewiring to stop that thought process. Do something that will interrupt the flow. Go for a walk outside. Listen to some music. Put on some headphones. These kinds of activities can stop you from spiraling into more negative self-talk. I have a lot more ideas as well as examples of Red Flags in the membership group - if this feels like something you’d like to work on. There are also 2 Guides that might be helpful: One is called “Am I Doing Enough” and the other is “Deschooling.” Both really good options. They’re still available in the shop for a couple more months, but they’re always in the Membership resources. So... Red Flags. Let’s learn to look for them. And make some changes so we don’t have to live with these worries. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop all the second-guessing? I remember that phase so well! Feel free to let me know how you’re doing with this over in the Facebook Group. I’ll post the link to this podcast and we can talk about it there! 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