The Art of Noticing & Individualizing: Secrets from Stage Managers
Welcome back to the Unschooling Mom2Mom Podcast!
Today weâre talking about something that makes unschooling truly uniqueâreal individualization.
If youâve ever had kids in school or followed a traditional homeschool approach, youâve probably heard the phrase individualized learning thrown around. Schools claim to offer it. Homeschool curriculums promise it.
But most of the time? Itâs just a fancy way of saying,
"Weâll let kids go a little faster or slower, but theyâre still on the same predetermined track."
Thatâs not real individualization. Thatâs lip service.
Unschooling? It fully embraces the idea.
Before we dive in, be sure to click the subscribe button if youâre at YouTube, or any of the other platforms youâre using. This helps the Unschooling Mom2Mom podcast reach more parents who are struggling. It can be your little part to help spread the word! Iâm here every week, creating these 10 minute peptalks to help you on your unschooling journey.
My own three kids are grown now, and Iâve seen what worked and what didnât. People helped me figure this out - and so thatâs what I want to do too - for you! Unschooling really does work. And I have so many resources for you to tap into - it all depends on how WE learn best too - in community conversations, with courses or coaching, reading ebooks or guides, watching videos, listening to podcasts.
This is the start of Season 5 - and we have over 330K downloads. Just you and me chatting each week for 4 YEARS now. Itâs been so fun - I hope youâre loving it as much as i do! I'd love to hear from you in the comments - I read every one of them!
And one thing weâre going to do differently with Season 5,
is I want to help those of you who are DIYing your way through this unschooling process.
Wherever possible, Iâm going to create a PDF that is SPECIFIC to the topics of the podcast.
I have one for you today! Right here!
OK, so back to this art of noticing and individualizing learning. This is what truly sets unschooling apart - this deep individualization.
Not the kind of learning where you tweak a curriculum here and there, but the kind where your childâs learning is entirely shaped by who they are, how they think, and what lights them up.
Because letâs be realâthatâs not something a standardized curriculum can give you. Itâs not something a school can provide, and honestly, itâs not something most traditional homeschooling methods achieve either. Because the heart of true individualization isnât about picking the right programâitâs about tuning in to your child.
When kids are free to learn outside of standardized structures, they naturally move in the direction their brain wants to go. Science tells us that. Each brain is unique, each family is different.
And thatâs the heart of unschooling.
Embracing this, is the real work for parents.
Itâs not about guiding, instructing, or pushing. Itâs shifting away from trying to control it all. Itâs about becoming really good at something else:
noticing.
And...that changes everything.
Noticing vs. Directing
A lot of us were raised to believe that teaching means tellingâdirecting, guiding, making sure our kids are always moving forward toward something. But what if thatâs not actually how learning works best?
What if our job as unschooling parents isnât to direct, but to notice?
đ Noticing what excites our kids.
đ Noticing what makes them pause and think.
đ Noticing what they avoidâand why.
And when we get better at noticing, we realize that learning isnât something we have to force.
Itâs already happening. Itâs already unfolding in front of us.
Instead of controlling and orchestrating, our job becomes more about slowing down and
tuning in.
Itâs about being present, being aware, and understanding that the child standing in front of us is constantly giving us clues about whatâs important to them.
And this is where one of my favorite metaphors for unschooling comes in...
The Theatre!
When my kids were little, they watched this version of Pinocchio so often,
that they'd refer to "The Theatre" in this same flamboyant tone!!
đ
What does Theatre have to do with Unschooling?
When my kids were younger, they were heavily involved in community theatre. And like any dedicated mom, I got involved tooârunning lights, working backstage, making sure the show went on without a hitch.
And when I look back, I see such a powerful connection between theatre and the way kids truly learn best through unschooling.
In schoolâor even in traditional homeschoolingâparents and teachers often take on the role of
Director.
They decide whatâs going to be learned, how it will be taught, and when the âperformanceâ happens. They call the shots and expect the kids to follow along.
But hereâs the thingâgood directors donât micromanage. They give actors room to explore, to find their own way of delivering a line, of stepping into their role. Thatâs when the real magic happens.
And in unschooling, guess what?
Your child is the star of the show.
They donât want to be micromanaged either.
And your role?
Youâre not the Director.
Youâre the
Stage Manager.
A good Stage Manager isnât the one dictating what happens. Theyâre the one who notices whatâs needed before anyone else does. They set the stage, yes, and theyâre also constantly observing, making adjustments, solving problems before they even arise.
They make sure the right props are in place.
They help with costume changes when needed.
They support the actors without stealing the spotlight.
And the best Stage Managers donât just react to problemsâthey anticipate them. They notice when something is slightly off before it turns into a crisis. They see the little details others overlook.
And thatâs exactly what unschooling parents learn to do:
- We notice when our kids are strugglingânot so we can force them onto a new track, but so we can offer support if they need it.
- We notice when theyâre lit up by somethingânot so we can turn it into a formal lesson, but so we can give them more opportunities to explore.
- We notice when their interests shiftânot so we can redirect them, but so we can trust that their learning is naturally evolving.
The show runs so much more smoothly when we step into that role. Not as the Director. Not as the Lead. But as the one behind the scenes, paying attention, and being ready to support when needed.
Trusting the Brainâs Natural Learning Path
This is where deschooling comes inâbecause when parents first start unschooling, we donât always trust that learning is happening. Weâre so used to measuring and tracking, so used to thinking that progress has to be directed, that we donât know how to just
let it be.
But once youâve deschooled for a while?
You realize that
the learner is already moving in the direction their brain wants to go.
Not where a curriculum says they
should go.
Not where an adult
thinks they need to be.
But where their own natural curiosity and internal drive is leading them.
And when we step back and trust that?
Learning becomes deeper, and richer, and more meaningful than anything a pre-planned curriculum could offer.
This Shift Takes Time
Now, I want to be really clearâthis isnât something that happens overnight.
Weâve all been conditioned to believe that kids need to be
taught in order to learn.
That if weâre not directing, guiding, or pushing, theyâll just... stop.
But thatâs simply not true.
Unschooling works best when parents learn to pay attention rather than take control.
And if youâre still in the process of shifting to that mindset, I have the link to a Free PDF to help you with this. Be sure to grab that while this is all fresh in your mind.
And if you learn better with other people around, weâll be talking about this more in my membership group.
You donât have to do any of this alone. Being part of a community of like-minded parents could make all the difference.
Join Us for More Support
Weâve just added
Virtual Park Days and
Momsâ Nights Out to the membership program - so you can connect with other unschooling families in real time.
Because having a place to ask questions, share wins, and see whatâs possible makes this journey so much easier.
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So if youâre ready to step into the role of Stage Managerâif youâre ready to trust, notice, and support rather than directâcome join us. Weâd love to have you.
Thatâs all for today! Thanks for being here, and Iâll see you next time.
