Too Much Technology?
When parents ask this, they often add that their child is on their computer, phone,
gaming console ALL.THE.TIME. It’s clearly a source of frustration.
But I think some of the frustration is because of a mistaken story you’re telling yourself.
That’s what I want to talk to you about this week. We did a whole webinar about technology this month - I've uploaded it here (above).
But this is a smaller piece that I think you need to consider.
That’s what I like these podcasts for - short little unschooling peptalks. I seem to have missed a couple weeks, but we’re about to wrap up
SEASON 3 this month, so I’m going to be better with my weekly plan. I don’t have any advertising or sponsors for this podcast, just you and me here.
And that reminds me. I want to tell you something.
I think it’s really great that you’re trying to figure out a game plan that will work for your family - for your kids.
It would easier to just ride along. Doing what everyone else is doing.
But here you are, looking for solutions. You’re even examining your own part in some of these scenarios - looking at your own motivations, trying to see the situation with a little clarity.
And truth is, most people don’t do that.
So...I want you to take a second and remind yourself that even if you don’t have this all figured out yet, you’re on the right path.
You’ve opted to not just ride the conveyor belt of Life.
We both know that the kids AND you, deserve more than a mediocre life. So yay you!
I’m happy to walk along with you on this unschooling journey - even if you’re not unschooling. You’re looking into what could be done to make LIFE better in your family.
That worth a little shout out. I love that you’re doing that for yourself and your kids!
And if you’re new to the Unschooling Mom2mom podcast, I’m Sue Patterson, mom to three grown unschoolers - now ALL in their 30s. And I’m here to shine a little light for you...to show you what I've seen work and not work.
I promise I’ll keep it real...which turns out, in this age of social media and highlight reels, that’s hard to sift through what’s true and what’s not.
If you start feeling like you’re not doing enough or your life isn’t going as well as someone else’s, I want you to come back to the podcast, find an episode the relates to your concerns, and visualize me sitting there with you, I’ll have my coffee and you’ll keep juggling the kids.
But I won’t leave you. You’re really not alone.
More Support from Sue
I do have a variety of ways I can support you.
We could set up regular calls or you could join an entire community of unschooling parents - all at various points on their own unschooling journeys.
If you’re feeling isolated, I really think this is something you should do.
And
Podcast listeners can join us without paying the $99 sign up fee.
If you’re catching the recording on YouTube, I have
links for you too to save the fee.
So check out the show notes on whatever platform you’re using. You needs support sooner than later though - the frenzy of searching for next year’s curriculum is about to start, and I’d really like to toss you a lifeline for that. 🛟
Let's Dive In
OK... back to this week’s topic... technology. Again.
I have a couple of other podcasts, if you want to binge a little on this topic.
Go to podcasts
#76,
#51,
#30 - your own little playlist.
Usually when I dive a little deeper with parents, I discover that they are still going to soccer practice, playing with the dog, doing a family movie night... all sorts of other things IN ADDITION to playing on their devices.
The parent is also making sure they can hang out with a friend or two, go to a homeschooling activity, or making it to a weekly library trip.
But in OUR MINDS... it’s technology 24/7.
From the minute they wake up until their little head hits the pillow.
And WHY do we do this? To ourselves and to our kids?
It’s the usual culprit: Unchecked Fear.
Confirmation Bias
I’ve spoken before about Confirmation Bias...but in case you missed it...
It’s what we do when we’re trying to find evidence to support our conclusion.
It’s a cart-before-the-horse thing.
Instead of examining the data, observing the situation objectively and THEN coming up with a conclusion, we start with the conclusion:
"They’re on their computers too much."
And then
“Aha! See? That’s what I thought!” ...when we see them happily gaming at home.
Yes, we just got back from something out in the community - but we dismiss that piece of information. "Gaming! There it is. AGAIN!"
A Scavenger Hunt - for YOU!
So it might be helpful to put YOURSELF on a scavenger hunt.
📝 Make a note of all the OTHER things they’re doing in their daily lives.
Take it to a granular level:
✔️ Do they eat meals?
✔️ Do they shower?
✔️ Do they have a conversation with you?
But then also...
✔️ Do they go to the skate park?
✔️ See a movie?
✔️ Go to a friend’s house?
✔️ Play with cousins?
Write it ALL down. Keep track for a week. See if you see patterns.
But also SHOW yourself a more accurate representation of their days.
So after you’ve done this more accurate assessment for a week or so, you can see what’s going on.
There really could be trends, like:
They get online when you’re busy. Then when you’re not busy anymore and ready to connect with them, they’re fully engaged in their game.
But maybe that's something you could shift WITH them before they get online.
Yes, unschooling is all about the flexibility of Life.
But it’s also about individualizing the plans for your own family’s needs.
- Do you need to take some responsibility and make a little more of a plan?
- Could it just be done in blocks... like morning, afternoon, evening?
- What are some things you and the kids would enjoy doing TOGETHER?
- What would be a good time of day to do it?
- Would it be helpful to plan for it after one of the more natural transition points like meals?
All of this is good data to accumulate so your fear of technology doesn’t grow and start running the show.
Still Not Sure What To Do?
And if you’re still at a loss for what to do with them - because let’s face it: Opting for curriculum takes all the guesswork out of things.
It doesn’t do anything for individualizing and it certainly adds to more power struggles.
But if you need a little help brainstorming with the kids about what are ADDITIONAL things to do... the Brainstorm Time, Unschooling Guide will help you sooo much.
Remember, you’re not saying INSTEAD of computer time.
You’re saying, “In addition to...”
More for that Unschooling Buffet you're creating.
Not "Instead of" - "In Addition to..."
Thanks for listening to the Unschooling Mom2mom podcast. Let us know in the comments what you thought of this episode - or if you have some ideas for the future. We’re about to start our 4th Year at this! Over 268 THOUSAND downloads, since we started in March of 2021. And I like to think of that as an indication that more parents are seeing that duplicating school is NOT the best way to raise children. And that the world is full of all sorts of ways to learn - we just have to deschool a little more, take off those blinders, and open up to new possibilities. I hope you have a great week with the kids. And I’ll be back again soon.
October 14, 2020
Unschooling Mom, Julie Mink Schiffman, often fields the question:
"Is there such a thing as too much technology when unschooling and/or how do we know it's too much?"
First, I would look at whether or not kids truly are spending "all their time'"on devices. I know I have a tendency to exaggerate at times, but I think it's important to be accurate here when describing our children's relationship with technology. My own video game/YouTube-loving kids have other pursuits such as music (they both play instruments and enjoy listening to music), riding scooters at skateparks, RPGs, in-line skating, martial arts, Park Days, exploring our Bay Area's natural and cultural destinations, and so much more. We provide them with lots of opportunities to pursue all of their interests.
It might seem to a casual observer that all they do when they are home is play video games, but I also see them on the trampoline, playing with their dog, helping out around the house, reading with dad, playing Pokemon card games, etc. Do they play video games *most* of the time? Absolutely. Would you be as worried if your kid was glued to books most of the time, head down, not engaged with the world around them? Our kids are engaged in a whole variety of activities online - they are connecting with friends near and far, and being able to do so is extremely important to them during these adolescent years.
Unschooling often gets a bad rap when it appears to others that we are "unparenting." People assume that we never say no (that's not true, but we do try to find new ways to say 'yes' more often), and that kids are given total freedom to do as they please, no matter the consequences (also not true). Unschooling is more akin to a respectful partnership than absolute anarchy. Instead of hard and fast rules, we live by principles that we all agree are important to our family's well-being. Parents as partners means we are engaged with our kids as they pursue their passions. We help them find new ways to fuel these pursuits. We support and encourage them. In essence, you can not unschool without being connected to your kid, so if you're feeling a disconnect, maybe dig a bit deeper to figure out what's going on.
How do I support my kids when they're seemingly too engaged in gaming to do so? I check in on them often...I ask how they're doing (like *really* ask...not just in passing); I bring them bottles of water and snacks they can eat without crumbs or stickiness getting on their keyboards; I walk by and give a gentle squeeze on their shoulder so they know I'm there for them; I sit in and watch them for a while and cheer with them when they make that final kill...and afterwards, I talk with them about it to hear all about that I missed; I give them helpful advice for healthy screen habits (look away often, take breaks, stretching techniques); and we talk about scammers and how to protect your privacy and stay safe on the internet; and there are many other ways that I connect with them that lets them know that I fully support them and value what's important to them.
What happens when we put limits on things our kids love?
Do you think they will not love it anymore?
Does our disapproval make them want it less?
Or do you think they'll find ways to do more/get more of it without our knowledge (and subsequently without our guidance)?
I remember hearing stories of kids going off to college only to fail in their first year because they've suddenly become responsible to monitor their own gaming/internet usage, and as they say,
"When the cat is a away, the mice will play (and play and play...)"
These kids have had such control held over them for so long that the moment they're given freedom from those constraints, they only want to do is... that which was forbidden for so long.
It's a little bit like that saying...what came first, the chicken or the egg? (although, thanks to YouTube, we know the answer, but I think you know what I mean.
