Navigating Questions
It’s hard enough for us, the adults, when someone asks a question about this educational path we’ve chosen.
Especially if there’s the slightest hint of judgement, or if we’re having a moment where we don’t feel that confident.
We can do a whole ‘nuther podcast on why we care so much about other people’s approval - even people we barely know.
Or even people who don’t parent like we do or make ANY choices that we value.
We just don’t want to be judged. We really DO want everyone’s approval - then we’ll decide who we pay attention to, right? Yeah.. I have a LOT of ideas about all that. So when I get THAT podcast done, I’ll add it in the description or show notes.
But today, the topic keeps coming up about the kids and how we can help them navigate this time of year too.
We spent a section of our
planning meeting last Monday in my membership group talking about this very thing.
It comes up often, actually. Our kids are out there rubbing elbows and crossing paths with people all the time.
And whether they’re really just curious or they’re trying to satisfy their own defensiveness, we can help our kids know how to navigate this.
Questions like...
“What grade are you in?”
“What’s your favorite subject?”
or even,
“Don’t you miss all the cool things we get to do in school?”
I want to give you some ideas - even some “scripts” to use (or individualize as you see fit), and some overall thoughts on this that I think are really important.
But if you’re new to the Unschooling Mom2Mom podcast, Welcome!
I’m Sue Patterson, the creator and your Guide here and at all things Unschooling Mom2Mom.
I’ve been making resources and helping families since the 90s when we walked away from the school system!
My kids are all in their 30s now, so I have a lot to share with you - what works and what doesn’t!
And, because parents all learn differently too, I have a variety of
free and paid ways to help you.
Guides, PDFs, blogposts here at the UnschoolingMom2Mom.com website, as well as 4 seasons of this podcast and nearly a decade of videos on the YouTube channel.
I have courses about Jumping into unschooling and Learning Math without a curriculum.
And, my favorite, the Creating Confidence Membership group. I love helping parents figure out how to tackle the specific problem they’re facing...and that’s what we do in there. And, I love collecting other unschooling parents who are willing to help brainstorm with you, share successes, commiserate when things aren’t working and help you figure out what the next steps could be.
This is a good month to join us, because I have slashed the price for a year of support.
Paying monthly is always an option - and podcast listeners get to skip the sign up fee, paying only the $49/month.
But the August special - allows you to pay way less - and then you don’t have to worry about it for the whole year. You’ll have a coach and a community on standby! I’ll link to this too.
OK, back to helping the kids this week.
Let’s tackle the easy questions first...
What Grade are You In?
I know, unschoolers don’t divide up life into grades. And sure, if you wanted, you could explain why this is, what’s your motivation, how learning really works.
But from your kids’ perspective - not only do they not know all of that, but they probably don’t care. They may not even realize that this could be the most asked question of their entire childhood! But you know this. And if you didn’t, you do now.
People ask this for a few different reasons.
Other kids are gathering data about your kid - and if they go to school, their whole world is set up based upon this question,
“What grade are you in?”
Store check-out clerks, think it’s an easy question to fill the airspace - like asking about the weather or the local sports team. So, if our kids stand there like deer in headlights, that easy question didn’t go how they thought it would go. And it adds to the data of -
"what’s wrong with this kid? That shouldn’t have been a loaded question."
They just don’t know - neither the asker or the askee really.
So figure it out for your kids:
Most kids start Kindergarten at 5 and then turn 6 that year.
So count up from there...
1st grade - 6-7 years old
2nd - 7-8 years old
And so on...
Use this table, if you're unsure.
Sometimes they just need a quick answer, and this is an easy fix.
What's Your Favorite Subject?
Some kids may respond with, “We don’t do subjects.”
Others may just shrug and say “I don’t know.”
First, remember that’s the response of most school kids - IDK. So yours is no different there.
It’s just that when you’re an “outlier” as we are...then suddenly everyone spins around and says,
“Oh! There’s another reason they’re screwing up their kids. They can’t even answer simple questions like grade levels or subjects.”
Sure, school kids are categorized and grouped by grade level for everything - so of course they remember what grade they’re in. But it’s not really an indication of anything else.
So for that Subjects question, help them out ahead of time.
What are their hobbies? What topics interest them?
Let them know that the typical school subjects are.
- Language Arts
- Math
- Science
- Social Studies
- Technology
- Fine Arts
- PE
Which of these subjects would their hobby fall into?
🖥️ They love Minecraft - they’re into Technology mainly.
🐶 Enjoying the new puppy? “We’re really into Animal Science lately.”
🔢 Playing matching games on the phone or apps like Sudoku - “Math puzzles are my favorite these days.”
🎩 Watching historical documentaries or even blockbuster movies about different time periods? You can say “History.”
See what I mean?
It’s rare that someone would take it any farther than that. So you might need to help them with,
“I’ve been learning a lot about the Civil War”
if you’ve been watching movies about that time period.
Or
“I’m learning a lot about Government lately”
as the conversations turn toward politics and the elections.
It’s ok to say
“Art is my favorite”
and then remind them how they like to draw or paint or paper mache or tye die - these would be additional things to add if someone continued to ask. But usually, just the subject title is all that needs to be said.
Remind your kids that quick answers like this will help them feel good to have an answer and can get out of the hotseat quickly. Plus, it might help THEM dismiss some lingering concerns that they’re not really learning anything.
They are! They’re just learning it in a different way.
“Don’t you miss seeing friends every day or doing all the fun stuff we get to do at school?”
Sometimes the kids are hanging with other kids and the questions get harder.
Who is asking as well as your own kids’ personalities, will dictate how they respond.
But some answers I’ve heard that work - and that you can share with your own kids so they can borrow these for themselves. They can say things like:
“What are you talking about? I see kids all the time at — the park, my co-op, dance classes…”, wherever they see other kids.
They could even add
“We even get to have sleepovers in the middle of the week, while ya’ll are focusing on school.”
Or,
“We went to Disneyland last week, while you were in school, or we hang out with friends at the park every week or we went to [some other cool place your kids have been recently]”
Then they can say,
“Don’t worry about me. We do a LOT of fun stuff.”
Then help them think of the fun things they do get to do - while the other kids are trudging off to school and sitting in a classroom.
Or they could simply say,
“Why do we always have to talk about school? What kinds of fun do you do in your Real Life?”
It’s perfectly ok to share what you like about the choice your family has made.
And it’s good data for you, to see how your kids respond. That will tell you what kind of information they’re needing.
And if you need more support with this, we have TWO group coaching calls every week in the
membership group, plus a variety of ways to connect within our community. It might be a good idea to get support for YOURSELF as we move into the next school year.
Get me into that Membership Group!!
Reach out if you need more information, I’m here!
And I’ll be back again next week.
