This blogpost, The Myth of Structure , will help you see "the need for structure" in a different way.
So Many Unschooling Questions!
Sue Patterson
Every week, parents ask questions about unschooling on a variety of social media platforms. Collecting them into a weekly blogpost will help everyone have access to many of these questions and share the solid unschooling advice to help you all on your journey.
Another benefit of seeing these questions is knowing that you're not alone! When someone asks a question in a forum, usually hundreds (maybe even way more than that!) share that same concern. And now we have an easy place to find the reassurance so many people are looking for, as well as resources to dive a little deeper. 
︎ Sue
Lacking Structure
Q:
"My kids are 5 and 8 and our days are like nothing like regular school. What they look like is summer vacation, all day everyday. My kids play together make believe and dolls, they are on their tablets watching shows and playing games, they play video games, play outside, we go to the park or the beach, we take trips, we read books. Every once in a while I will curate some learning based around their interests or requests. And sometimes I will even print out worksheets, which they get excited about because it’s so rare.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just unschooling because it’s the easiest way for me. Life is good and so much fun!
Do my kids need more learning structure or can they go their whole childhood on “summer vacation” mode??"
Thanks for your input and advice!"
A: I wonder why we feel guilty when "Life is good and so much fun!" Well, I have some ideas about it, but it's worth digging a little deeper to see what the little voices in your own head are telling you.
The quick answer: Yes! Stay on "Summer Mode" and you'll be shocked at how great your lives can be!
And the reason I say that, is because humans are hard-wired to learn. We're curious beings - even if we've had a lot of that squashed down from schoolish ways. It will grow back! Especially if the environment is such that they feel they can begin to move in the direction THEY want to go with parents as true support systems.
Your kids' words and actions will give you the data about whether they need more structure. But it doesn't have to look like school structure! It may be they like to know what's on the calendar for the week. Or maybe they're morning people or night owls. When we start to gather the data, we can see rhythm emerge. They may vary by individuals or some of it may vary based on your family. But, no, you don't have to orchestrate some "Learning Structure" - that would be like putting unnecessary speed bumps on their road! 
RESOURCES
Motivation... or lack thereof
Q: "Was there ever a point that you thought maybe unschooling wasn't for your child? its hard to get my kids to be self motivated. Rewards and punishments don't work either."
A: I think this question comes up for lots of parents wishing to SEE more that looks like familiar learning activities.
I believe that unschooling works for EVERY child. Who doesn't enjoy freedom? But it doesn't work for every parent, sadly. If parents aren't able to let go of some of the more schoolish notions or they have so much fear they can't do the internal work needed... they may abandon the idea of unschooling.
Something else to think about... "rewards and punishments don't work either" is a good sign. It's the most common mainstream parenting and schooly approach to get kids to comply, but it's not healthy. Research shows that it's about squashing their internal motivation to make them more reliant on external motivation. And then we wonder why they're not internally motivated??? Because we did a lot to undermine it.
If you want to read more about this, Alfie Kohn is a wonderful researcher and author you might want to investigate. I read his book, Punished By Rewards the first year we homeschooled. Game changer.
Your view of their lack of motivation, may be really more indicative of your needing to deschool. After years of conditioning to think all learning looks the way schools present it, it's not unusual that THAT would be what we look for. It's familiar. It takes diving into DESCHOOLING that shows us, "Ohhhh! That's why I kept pushing for xyz! And that's why I got so much resistance!"
It's not a mountain of information - it's something you can conquer. And you'll be so glad you did. It will change the family dynamics for the better - sooo much better!
RESOURCES:
Reading more about deschooling will help you see that learning belongs to the learner, and it's pretty much an inside job. When parents can deschool a little more, they can begin to trust that humans are hard-wired to learn - they just may not choose what we expect them to choose!
High School Documentation
Q:
"Tips for providing documentation of the annual school report in high school"
and...
"I would like to learn more about unschooling, we have been homeschooling for almost 2 years and I think it might be a good fit for my 5 and 11 year olds. My question is, can a child earn a high school diploma as an unschooler and if so, how?"
A:
I have quite a few tips actually! Remember that with unschooling, the teens aren't necessarily taking classes or operating within grade levels. So it may take a little creativity on the parents' part to see where the subjects weave through the everyday activities. And then, when you need a transcript to enter a tech school or a community college, you can create something that will be acceptable.
As for the diploma, websites exist to create one for yourselves - even with fillable PDF formats! We have to remember, at least in the United States, it's legal to homeschool in all 50 states. While a few state may have their own requirements for graduation, most consider the parents determination as to whether or not the child has graduated. Sometimes it's as simple as being outside the compulsory attendance requirements set by the state. My point is that parents can issue a diploma whenever they (and their child) feel they've completed enough and are ready to step into the next phase of their young adult lives.
Colleges and universities accept transcripts and diplomas from homeschoolers/unschoolers all the time!
RESOURCES:
Unschooling & Transcripts Mini-Course
- This mini-course includes a pre-recorded video workshop, an extensive workbook to help you figure out your own child's transcripts, and the Everything Counts
ebook as a bonus.
Creating Confidence Membership, Parents of Teens
- We have extensive resources for parents of teens within my coaching membership group. Additionally, we have 2 coaching calls every month devoted to questions and topics about teen issues.
Homeschooled Teens: 75 Young People Speak About Their Lives Without School
is a fabulous collection of answers to the most asked questions about how these young people managed.
Am I Doing Enough??
“How do you know you are providing a rich enough learning environment for your child?”
Will Roblox, building on the computer, making stop motion videos, and supporting them by googling questions they ask that I can’t answer, provide what they need ?”
The lists of things he wants to know about are vast. By 9 am this morning we had looked at blacksmiths, morph videos, skeletal systems, and the history of milkmen - before he even switched on his computer.
This was all from him asking me questions and me sharing stuff I had been reading myself.
RESOURCES
That's a lot for the first couple hours of the day! And, my guess is that those kinds of days aren't unusual. The problem most of us have is that we don't have a clearly laid out plan where we can check the boxes and know that we're "on course." Because there's no real course!
Unschooling is the MOST individualized learning plan anyone could be lucky enough to have! As you read more about how unschooling works, you can gain confidence in the fact that their personal unique body of knowledge is growing. Right there in front of you! Where it will go? Nobody knows! But that's ok! It's moving in the direction of their interests, following their curiosities, learning how to gain answers to the questions they have.
I get it, it's scary. Reading more about Deschooling will help. Gathering a support system that can help you not feel so alone is another option. Continue to ask questions, so you can dig a little deeper to conquer your fears. Remember that fears are what make us play small - they're just trying to keep us safe. But they're not as informed as we are. It's like letting a 4-year old drive the car...not a good plan!
Explaining Unschooling to Little Kids
Q: "How do you talk to preK age kid about not going to school?"
A: Are they asking? Maybe do lots of fun things with them so they simply enjoy their day with you.
If they are asking, you can always say,
"School is just a way some kids learn stuff. But we learn by ___." ... whatever it is they like to do. They don't need a big explanation. Usually it suffices that their parent has thought this through and has a better plan!
"School is just a way some kids learn stuff. But we learn by ___." ... whatever it is they like to do. They don't need a big explanation. Usually it suffices that their parent has thought this through and has a better plan!
Sometimes it also helps to see other kids who are living and learning outside the school system. Especially kids their own age and a little bit older. This may help offset the wave of "everyone else" goes to school.
RESOURCES
If you're in the Unschooling Mom2Mom FB group, we have a thread where we collected a variety of responses:
HERE
HERE
Also, we have a collection of articles and ideas for this age group here:
Unschooling Pre-Schoolers
Unschooling Pre-Schoolers
Get on the email list to receive free monthly PDFs from Sue's vault of unschooling resources!
Let Go of Lesson Plans: Embrace Winter as Your Unschooling Curriculum
Do you think of Reading as the Holy Grail of Learning? Let's talk about that!
Dragons and Homeschooling? Who knew we could find subjects in this mythical world?
Unschooling Red Flags January Signals You Shouldn’t Ignore Quite a few people didn’t send their kids back to school after the holiday break! For some, this is brand new. Fall didn’t go well and they’re just going to sit this one out. I get that. Others are continuing with what they’ve been doing. They weren’t in school last semester and they’re not going this semester either. And then some - a lot of you, from what I can tell - are inching more toward unschooling. Maybe you tried a modified homeschooling effort before the holidays, but it wasn’t great. Today I want to talk about Red Flags. And I want to encourage you not to ignore them! Ok! Whether you’re just here for a little inspiration (your weekly unschooling peptalk!) or it’s all new and you’re kinda nervous - I’m glad you’re here! I’m Sue Patterson, your host here on these Unschooling Mom2Mom podcasts. My kids are all grown - all in their 30s now - and I’m circling back to let you know that unschooling really does work. Door won’t close because you choose this unconventional path. You may have questions or worries - and that’s what I try to tackle here in the podcast. And then if you want to dive deeper or get more support, I have courses, and guides, ebooks and calendars. I do private coaching and have a FABULOUS membership group where you can talk with other parents on this path too. I’ll put links to all of this in the notes for you. We all go through different phases when we’re on this unschooling journey. Some are harder, some are easier. It’s one of the reasons I do this podcast. I want you to know that it’s worth it. It’s worth plowing through the confusion or even the criticism. Maybe your kids aren’t acting the way you thought they would. It’s a process for them too, you know. I always tell my membership group that parents have to undo all that schooled conditioning, all those ideas of what’s legit learning and what’s not, all those People Pleasing traits we picked up along the way. And the kids… they have to figure out how to handle all this freedom. And, let’s face it. We’re all human. And most of us, don’t get things right on the first pass. We inch along, a few steps forward, a few steps back… but when we stay with it, we make progress. So that’s what I want to help you do now. It’s January. A New Year. And a few of the questions are popping up: Especially, How are they learning what they need to know? It’s a bit of a loaded question… because sometimes, when we ask this, we already have a pre-set idea of what THINK they need to know. The Basics, right? Or some particular subject? And then, interestingly, we seem to move the goalposts as the kids master these things. Like, now they can read, but can they write? Or now they can divide up their cookies evenly, but what about their times tables… or even Algebra? Because then, as they get into the teen years, we have new goals, right? As I was talking on this week’s coaching call in my membership group, I was mentioning Red Flags. Because even if we have been unschooling a while, these little red flags pop up. Like “Are they learning enough?” “Are they behind other kids their age?” Am I Doing enough?” These are examples of red flags for you. It’s not the checkered flag that’s giving you the signal to push more on your kid or up the ante a little, or Go Go Go!. It’s your red flag telling you something is off. Truth is, you already know that. You feel it. It’s your nudge to do a little more deschooling. Or at LEAST bring these worries out into the open so you can look at them clearly. Where DO these fears come from? Are they based in facts or based in those feelings of familiarity? Because familiarity does not necessarily mean Truth. It just means you’ve heard it or thought it a lot - often enough that it FEELS familiar. But it really may not be the truth. That’s why shining the light to see - do I feel defensive about it? Justified? Have I thought it through with this unschooling lens, so to speak? Could they learn it later? Is the timing truly significant? Do others learn it later and they turn out ok? That’s why it helps to have a community of Unschoolers to bounce these ideas around with. You MAY stick with the original idea - but it will be deliberate and intentional. And if you’re only around mainstream people or traditional homeschoolers, it’s very possible that they’ll just reinforce the fear because THEY’d prefer that you get back into the conforming mode. They have a lot of reasons to do this - and it’s not always because it’s what’s best for YOUR child. That’s why it helps to strengthen your ideas about all of this. You don’t want to just blow whichever way the strongest wind blows. You want to make good solid choices that fit YOUR child. What would some other red flags be? If you are either feeling like my kid's not motivated, my kid's not doing anything, my kid doesn’t know math - or history or science… That's a red flag. If you think, I'm overwhelmed. Why are they asking so much of me? Nobody appreciates me. I’m feeling disengaged. That's a red flag. If you are thinking, the neighbor's kid is National Honor Society and my kid doesn't even know how to set up a division problem. Or, we just need more structure, this is too chaotic. More red flags. So what are yours? They’re not insurmountable. And, actually, Red Flags are helpful. They let you know what you need to work on. They’re your guideposts for what you need to tackle next. Identifying them is the first step. You can do it in a DIY way - Identify the issues that are your Red Flags, and then search the podcasts or the YouTube playlists for these topics. When you go to the blog associated with it - or even the descriptions for those audios or videos, I have additional resources linked that can help you dive deeper. If DIY isn’t really your think, and you’d like a little more help so you can move through this more quickly, I help parents do this in the Creating Confidence Membership group - and I have a lot of tools to help with this. You can always join us. And remember, podcast listeners and YouTUbe subscribers don’t have to pay the sign up fee. Just month-by-month. I’ll link to that too, because it may be a good time for you to get more help. I think I know a lot of the red flags, because I've probably had them all. Or I've certainly seen them all. I've definitely seen a variety of ways people can red flag themselves into a darn near panic attack. So don’t look away. They usually don’t resolve themselves and you deserve to have kinder voices in your head. If yours is particularly obnoxious, it’s important to look closely at the specifics. This will be the only way to know if the voices are right, or just nagging. Maybe it’s People Pleasing or Perfectionist traits that you need to dismantle. It’s important to do this, because it’s going to prevent you from having any Joy or enjoyment in these adventures. But also because your kids are watching how you cope… you may have removed them from the school setting, but did you bring home some of these attitudes YOU learned in school about performance and measuring or comparing, criticism and disappointment? Let’s get this out of the equation so you can assess the situation more accurately. So when you have a lot of fears popping up, see them as the red flags that they are. And take some Steps to work through them. Think about whether you really believe what you’re hearing, or is it someone else’s take on things? Can you think of any examples where this thought isn’t true? Specific examples. Then it’s time to do a little rewiring to stop that thought process. Do something that will interrupt the flow. Go for a walk outside. Listen to some music. Put on some headphones. These kinds of activities can stop you from spiraling into more negative self-talk. I have a lot more ideas as well as examples of Red Flags in the membership group - if this feels like something you’d like to work on. There are also 2 Guides that might be helpful: One is called “Am I Doing Enough” and the other is “Deschooling.” Both really good options. They’re still available in the shop for a couple more months, but they’re always in the Membership resources. So... Red Flags. Let’s learn to look for them. And make some changes so we don’t have to live with these worries. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop all the second-guessing? I remember that phase so well! Feel free to let me know how you’re doing with this over in the Facebook Group. I’ll post the link to this podcast and we can talk about it there! Tell me what YOUR Red Flags are and how you’re working through them. You can do this. I’m over here rooting for you! So learn more about unschooling and deschooling, get the support you need -including self-care, and, most importantly, connect with your kids! Have a great week and I’ll be back to talk with you again soon.
When Unschoolers move away from curriculum and lesson plans, brainstorming with the kids is a great Next Step!
Practical Steps for Unschooling Success! On Sale in January! Save $20
If this past semester of homeschooling has been lackluster - or worse - it might be time to explore unschooling! Sue Patterson shares 5 Steps to help you move into an unschooling direction.
Ins and Outs for 2025 ...for Unschooling Parents Have you seen the trend for this? I modified it to fit us! I'll list resources below to help you dive deeper on any of these.
A retrospective look at the progress made by members of our unschooling community - all you need is a little support! Happy New Year
