When All They Want to Do is Play

Sue Patterson

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“But all they want to do is ‘Play Pretend.’”

I hear this from parents all the time.

We’ve all been conditioned to believe that this is Play is fluff or that…

They have to learn to do hard things
They’ll never develop grit if they just play all day
It’s not going to help them in real life
They have to shift over to “the important stuff.”

Well.

Play is FULL of “important stuff.”

What really needs to happen is that parents need to widen the lens a little.
They (You?) need to NOTICE the learning that is happening while children are playing. See the value in playing.

We hear platitudes like “Play is the Child’s Work.”
And while one part of our brain accepts that, the other part, offers objections.

~ Maybe it’s from years of being told to “put away childish things.”

~ Maybe it’s from years of being forced to be competitive. We want our kids to be successful, so we think they need to have some competitive advantage (that we’ve been told looks like academics.)

~ Maybe it’s from our own experience of being made fun of for wanting to play - so we want to spare our kids from having the same thing happen.
And, about that… if your child isn’t thrown into a place where peer pressure is the only thing that matters - that, and approval from the adults in charge - they might not feel the same response that you did. That pressure to conform is HUGE in school and in mainstream society. If your family is prioritizing being true to yourself, understanding your own preferences, accepting differences in yourself and in others… they’ll have a different experience.

I just got off a coaching call with my membership group where we talked about what kids are actually learning when they’re playing make believe with their toys. We even have an area set up in the membership portal where parents can describe their day, and I’ll help you identify the subjects that are being touched upon.

I know, unschooling purists would encourage us to stop clinging to the subjects.

Stop LOOKING for where the subjects are occurring.

But my experience is that when we haven’t deschooled, that’s where our brain goes.

When Fear says, “But there’s not Real Learning here!”

I can say, “Sure there is. Let me show you!”

And with this as a rebuttal, Fear’s grip lessens. Then parents can actually hear more about unschooling and how it works. Addressing these fears helps you get to The Good Stuff about Unschooling.

But if you’re wrapped up in fear that they’re not learning - you can’t hear anything else.

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So, yes. When we unschool, we live as if school doesn’t even exist.
But it takes deschooling, addressing fears, getting solid information to get there.

When kids are “just playing pretend,” they’re also learning

~ Math

~ Language Arts

~ Science

~ Interpersonal skills

~ Critical thinking skills

~ Art

I know… kind of shocking right?

This may help you see the variety of subjects or topics you might be overlooking when you’re concerned about pretend play:

What kids are learning when they play pretend

Math

Maybe they’re building a set or creating costumes - there’s math in estimating, spatial awareness, getting organized, creating a plan. Maybe they’re buying more or talking about how to spend money or comparing fabrics and patterns.

Language Arts

They’re creating a story - that’s the early stages of creative writing. With plot and character development, story arcs, revising and editing as they go. It doesn’t have to be written down.
They’re developing vocabulary and practicing persuasion techniques.

Interpersonal Skills

If they’re playing with other people, they’re learning how to collaborate and cooperate. They’re developing leadership and decision-making skills. They’re processing situations and determining if they can bring their ideas to life.

Science

Which leads us to science - that simple Scientific Method is a play here. (Excuse the pun!). But they’re making guesses about what will happen or what will work. Maybe they’re incorporating other parts of the natural world into their scenario - rocks, sticks, dirt, but also weather, and resources on hand.

Art

Of course they’re developing art skills: colors, patterns, textures. But also theatre, performance and improv.

"Soft Skills"

These “meta” skills are so important!

Problem-solving
Engaging in curiosity and seeing where it takes you
Stimulating creativity
Developing observation
Learning decision-making skills.

The world needs more people who can do these things

- not more people who can ride the conveyor belt of “one-size-fits-all learning.”

Because we all know how well that fits.

A parent wrote to me yesterday asking,

“How do I encourage creativity and not get in their way?”

Isn’t that a great question?

I think the answer starts with NOTICING all the creative endeavors our kids are engaging in.

Seeing that learning is there.

Knowing that it is enough - without us orchestrating something else or trying to make them jump through hoops instead of continuing on with their pretend play.

Join the membership group if you want me to help you break down what’s going on in your homes - I can help you find all the ways that the kids are learning. It’s in their hard-wiring.

Once you start to see it, I think you’ll start seeing it everywhere!!! I love that!