Surviving Curriculum Season as Unschoolers
Unschoolers and Curriculum Season...
As unschoolers - as homeschoolers - we have our own seasons, don’t we?
We have Back-to-School season.
We sometimes have Conference season.
We have the Holiday season where we’re bumping into relatives that may put us on the spot.
And we’re in a season right now:
The Curriculum Buying Season.
All the groups, all the lists, all the park days are full of parents asking...
"What are you going to do for next year?"
"Have you seen this math program"
"Look at this language arts package!"
We’ve talked about being mere mortals when it comes to the marketing for all of this.
The promises that your kids will “love it”.
The colorful boxing, with the happy kids, and the relaxed moms or dads.
And that’s NOTHING compared to the pressure of that mom sitting next to you going on and on about how her kids don’t know.. I don’t know, times tables, how to diagram a sentence, the capitol of Switzerland, the War of 1812 - and they’ve found the solution! The package that will solve all of this.
And then, she turns... to you.
"How about you? Do your kids know those things?"
And you both look down at your kid playing in the dirt, or swinging and singing at the top of their lungs, in their own world.
So she lowers her voice, "Aren’t you worried about it?"
"Aren’t you going to DO something about it?"
"You’re not one of THOSE kinds of unschoolers are you? The RADICAL ones”
And what does that tap into?
- You’re not a good mom or dad.
- You’re not capable of teaching your kids.
- Your kids are not going to be successful in life.
- You’re throwing your hat in with the crazy people in this homeschooling community.
That about covers it right?
So let’s spend this podcast talking about THOSE trigger points - so you CAN withstand...
The Pressure of Curriculum Season!
Sue Patterson, Unschooling Mom2Mom Podcast
I used to say this was weekly, but it seems not to be! More like 2-3 times a month, I’m coming in here to give you an unschooling peptalk. If you’re enjoying these, please leave a comment and a 5star review. It helps the podcast reach more people - and believe me, people need to hear that they don’t have to stay in school - and they don’t have to duplicate it if they bring their kids home.
So my kids are grown - 2 had birthdays a week ago - they’re 2 days apart. One in California and one here in Texas. My oldest has HIS birthday in a couple of weeks. He left for a business trip to Mexico City a couple of days ago.. It’s actually my husband’s birthday today - he’s off in the Davis Mountains doing his Jeremiah Johnson thing. If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know what I mean! No talking. Maggie, the border collie and I are home… recording podcasts!
These kids - young adults - are who you really want to hear more about probably. So they are 29, 32, and about to be 34. All off doing their adult lives - doors didn’t close for them because of this unconventional approach - and they enjoyed their childhoods. They also brought a different skill set to adulthood. They have more confidence in their choices. Or even if they don’t have the confidence, they’re not afraid to make mistakes, they’re not afraid to do something different from their peers, they embrace adventures - and all of that is because of the unconventional childhood they had. And the way they were parented.
And that’s what I’m here to do - not show you how to copy what I did. But to encourage you about doing what fits YOUR child, YOUR home, YOUR family rhythm. Unschooling is really about individualizing all of the learning and… the side benefit is you’ll become the parent you want to be. You won’t be able to avoid noticing what you might need to change or shore up - or maybe you’ll see how YOU have some examples in your own life where you went a different way from others and it actually made you a better person, more tuned into your own strengths. I’ll have to do another podcast about how parents can sometimes unschool themselves - or see that that thread was weaving through their lives all along. Let me know in the comments if that sounds like something you want to hear.
What's Going On - and What to DO about it!
Let’s get back to the Curriculum Season and how to do deal with it. Let’s talk about the issues...and what we can do about it.
PROBLEM: Conformity
Something to remember, conformity is easy. It’s constrictive. But you’re not hacking your way through a jungle full of unknowns. Sometimes that’s comforting...until it’s not. Until your kid resists. Until something in them, says,
“This isn’t really relevant.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“I never see YOU using that as a grown up.”
And...they’re right. It’s kind of lame. You thought the same thing as a kid, but you pushed through - because everyone said you had to.
Now, here you are. In charge. Deciding if all this conformity is really a good thing.
Society gives lip service to the idea of being “Independent Thinkers” - but they don’t really mean it. They don’t want the kids going left when parents say to go right! Parents need to be "The Boss." And kids need to dutifully follow. Thats’ how you know whether you get to wear that “Good Parent” badge, right?
So sometimes it’s important to look underneath everything. And our own feelings about conformity - and even it’s cousin, People Pleasing - are pushing us in a direction that we might not really want.
Conformity matters when we’re dealing with Curriculum Season, because
we’re considering NOT conforming
with what all those other parents are all abuzz about.
Here are three things to do - I have a ton more in my Creating Confidence membership group - you’re always welcome to join us there. I’m happy to help you with this.
SOLUTION #1: Think About Your Why
But the first thing to do, is to think about Your Own Why.
➤ Why did school - or a schoolish approach - not fit your child or your family? List out your reasons.
➤ Then list out your reasons about why this Interest-driven relationship-focused approach is better.
You don’t have to convince the ladies at Park Day to do this...but when you’re clear on your own reasoning, you’re not as susceptible to their raised eyebrows.
SOLUTION #2: Step Away.
Not forever. Maybe just for that conversation.
Go push your kid on the swing.
Go get something out of the car that you forgot.
Then hop on your phone and pull up a bunch of inspiring memes at the
Unschooling Mom2mom instagram account, or read something you’ve bookmarked
at the blog - or listen to another
Unschooling Mom2Mom podcast!
Diving Deeper
Let’s look at some of those other questions I mentioned, and see what to do about them.
Like...
- “You’re not a good mom or dad.”
We do have stories in our heads that are actually sometimes not even rational about what a good mom or dad is or does. We have to pull those out into the light and look. Good moms or dads have kids that can recite their times tables, or perform on command, or never argue, or are super compliant? Good moms or dads are Firmly In Charge - Benevolent Dictators? We have to examine these ideas through the lens of reality - what’s true in YOUR family. The other people that are in your family may not agree with that story in your head. I wanted to be sitting around doing art projects all the time - my kids didn’t. I wanted my kids to get along beautifully all the time - they had other ideas about that. So while no one wants to be a “slacker parent” or UNparent, we need to get clear on what GOOD parenting looks like - in your home, with your kids, now. This week.
- “You’re not capable of teaching your kids.” Does that mean you’re not successful at making them jump through arbitrary hoops that some curriculum company in Dallas has decided all 8 year olds must know? Maybe the problem isn’t you - the problem is the TEACHING concept. Kids don’t resist “teaching” when it’s something they want to learn about. So getting to know your kids, figuring out what their learning styles are, understanding the rhythm of your family - these are all important pieces to your kids learning and growth. It really isn’t about the quality of your teaching. It’s not about the teaching at all. It’s about the learning. And creating the environment that’s conducive to learning. Filling your home with joy and connection. Sure, not every waking moment - but those goals are different than cranking out another chapter or checking the boxes in a unit that no one cares about.
- “Your kids are not going to be successful in life.”
I can hear the follow up questions...
"Focus on Joy and connection but where’s the career path?"
"How are they going to become competent adults if they think everything is easy?"
This speaks to our mistaken ideas that learning has to be hard, kids have to be prodded to do what’s best for them. There are some worldviews in there that may need to be looked at - and even dismantled.
Unschoolers are PARTNERING with their kids, helping them learn to navigate their lives. And sure, the focus IS joy - what do you like to do? How do you want to live your life? Yes, younger kids are going to say Minecraft and Legos... but that will change as they get older. When they’re allowed to have choices, and not having all their choices spoonfed to them, they move in the direction of what SUCCESS means to them. Because it’s different for all of us. If we grew up poor, it may have a lot to do with how much money they make. Or maybe the opposite, we see that money doesn’t make happiness. Success… like beauty… it’s in the eye of the beholder. - “You’re throwing your hat in with the crazy people in this homeschooling community.”
That’s a funny one to me. It circles back to that conformity part right? Don’t step out of line or you’ll be culled from the herd, shamed... gossiped about. An Outlier. That’s a school (and society) way of keeping the wheels turning - even at the expense of the individual.
If you have hear bad things about Unschooling, I have so much information for you at the Unschooling Mom2Mom.c om website. I’ll link a couple of resources about Myths that circulate about it. And that term, Radical Unschooling? It’s not as scary as it sounds. It just means taking unschooling principles about learning and applying to them to parenting… listening to the needs and preferences of the kids. Helping them learn how to navigate all this freedom. Stepping out of the box.
What Matters Most
Truth is, your PRIMARY job as a parent, is not to be winning the Gold Star from the other parents at Park Day or on Facebook, held up as some Paragon of Virtue.
But it’s to be an Advocate for YOUR CHILD. And their needs.
Supporting and loving them for who they are - meeting them WHERE they are.
Not that story in your head of some perfect child. That’s La La Land. And it’s not fair to you or to your kid.
You have a real child - standing in front of you. Saying or showing you what they need. And your job, is to protect the integrity of that relationship - yours and your child’s. Do not succumb to the homeschool parents version of Playground Bulllies. Tap into that love you have for your own child and it will help you find the courage to do what’s best for them. And maybe that’s looking into unschooling and getting the support you need for doing such an outlandish thing.😉
OK that’s it’s from me for this podcast.
Like I said, I have a lot of resources to help you.
I”ll put them in the show notes -
membership groups where YOU can get more support,
courses to help you understand how unschooling works. Click subscribe, leave a comment - let’s connect.
Until next time - enjoy your kids.
Happy Unschooling.
~Sue
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