Overcoming Tricky Situations as Unschooling Homeschoolers
Transcript:
Prepping for Gatherings
I talk about dealing with Critics a lot of the time during Holiday season, but truth is, any time we’re getting together with friends and family, we can bump into uncomfortable situations.
Maybe it’s summer potlucks.
Hanging out on holidays like 4th of July.
Or family reunions or birthdays.
Lots of these happen in summer months, when the kids are out of school and their schedules are more flexible.
So let’s talk about how to handle it all. Inevitably, someone is going to ask,
“What are they learning?
“Do you do school year round?”
“Why are you doing this when we have such a good local school system?”
You know... all the typical questions.
Preparing ahead of time is the key!
So...if you’re new to the Unschooling Mom2Mom Podcast - welcome!
I’m Sue Patterson, mom to 3 grown unschoolers, now all in their 30s, living typical young adult lives, owning homes, raising families, running businesses - and yes they got into college or whatever higher level education they needed to do what they wanted something - ALL while enjoying their childhood and taking this unconventional approach to learning.
I’ve circled back around to help families see that
YES! This works.
NO! Doors won’t close.
But you’ll need to take a little action on your part to undo some of the thinking that we all grew up with - usually these were ways to keep us conforming to whatever the adults had planned out for us. And some of these ideas are really in deep. See
Ways to Get Support/Resources
New Freebies in the Shop:
- 7 Secrets to Be Successful
- Get Started Unschooling - 1-page Checklist
We can dive into more of that but today, I want to focus on dealing with our skeptics.
It’s interesting because, depending on where WE are in this process, what our own confidence level is, we can interpret their question in so many different ways! Think about it…
Sure, tone will matter. But our perception may borrow a little trouble too.
A simple question of
“Why are you doing this?”
Could be answered with,
“School just wasn’t going to work for us. Pass the potato salad.”
Or
If it’s someone we’ve often taken advice from and we know they don’t like this idea, we might freeze a little. 😳
If it’s someone who has criticized us a lot in the past, we’re going to have a completely different response! 😤
So before you go to any of these get togethers... think about WHO will be there and what you think they’ll ask.
Then think about what you’ll answer. How can you get out of the spotlight - that actually may feel like an interrogation light?
One thing I learned a long time ago, just because someone asks a particular question, doesn’t mean you have to answer it. You can completely redirect it by answering something you WANT to talk about.
Or say,
“The better question would be..."
and then give one that you’d like to answer or feel more comfortable with.
And, you can always say,
“Can we talk about this another time? I’d prefer to not talk about it in front of… idk, the kids, Aunt Sally, Grandpa?”
Remember, you’re a grown up. You don’t have to respond to everyone. And sometimes our families aren’t really used to us stepping into our roles as adults... as parents. They may still see us as the little sister or the needy one.
We all mature though - and even if that was your history, it doesn’t have to be how you are now. Your kids are actually counting on you to step up to the plate and not fall back into the old family roles.
Suggestions for the Kids
You may have to help the kids navigate a little bit too.
Typical questions can stump a kid if you haven’t talked with them ahead of time.
So, let’s think about what some of those could be:
“What grade are you in now?”
You’ve got a few options, but usually the kids just want out of the hot seat as quickly as possible.
Children may feel the pressure and may not do that well with it. They may just turn into a deer in headlights - which leaves everyone in the room wondering why they couldn’t answer a simple question like that.
I’ve even known kids to throw their parents under the bus when they don’t know what to answer when someone said,
“What are you learning these days?”
or “What’s your mother teaching you?”
They may say,
“NOTHING! We don’t learn anything!”
And while that’s the typical answer of most schooled kids too, the room will fall silent, everyone will turn to look at you - and you will inevitably feel your face begin to flush! 🫢
So let’s think ahead of time and see if we can sidestep some of these typical conversational train wrecks.
"What grade are you in?"
Pick one. What grade are most kids their age?
Or say,
“We don’t separate into grade levels. I might be 3rd grade in math and 8th grade in science.”
Chatty kids may like that answer... but many just want an easier way out.
“4th grade, Grandma.”
“What are you learning these days?”
Think about cool places you’ve been or interesting things you’ve watched.
“I’m really into shark week lately!”
or
“We started going to the Nature Center - I had no idea science could be so interesting!”
You could also talk about what’s going on in the lives of the other people at the Get-Together.
What could you ask them?
- How was Paris?
- How’s Tanya doing on the volleyball team?
- When are tryouts for ...whatever they’re into.?
That way the quizzing isn’t only directed at the homeschooled kids.
Because that IS something you could pull your brother aside and say,
“Why do you do that to my kids and not all of the kids here? That’s not right. I’m going to have a hard time talking them into coming again if you keep trying to make them uncomfortable.”
Nothing like facts, right?
I know, it takes a little courage.
But if you’ve thought about it ahead of time, you’re not kicking yourself the next day WISHING you had said something to someone.
Remember the quote:
“You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to!”
And it’s a good one to remind your kids too.
They can always say,
“Oh...that sounds like a question mom will have to answer for you!”
I have a few other podcasts that are specific to the holiday season, but many of the scenarios surface all year.
Remember...
➣ You can arrive late or leave early.
➣ You can stay somewhere else, so you’re not under the magnifying glass.
➣ You can skip it altogether.
➣ You can read up on research about homeschooling and unschooling if you need help articulating some of the concepts to friends and family who are REALLY interested.
You don’t have to defend your choices - to anyone.
They’re YOUR choices. It doesn’t mean you have to get mad at them, you can just smile, and say to yourself,
“Not today, dearie.”
A quick,
“Yeah, I know it’s different. But I don’t want to spend this whole weekend trying to help everyone understand.
Can we talk about something else?”
It’s part of that maturity timeline that YOU are on... getting ok with truly individualizing your life.
Stepping away from conformity. Making your own choices.
You know.. That’s the basis of unschooling anyway.
Prioritize your kids and your relationship with them - and that means at these get-togethers too.
