Gaming, Technology, and Friendships

Guest Blogger

  Guest blogger, Belinda Bonham Carter , noticed how many stories exist about how technology disconnects us, its ill effects and how gaming in particular can be harmful. This story is not that perspective.

Sixteen months ago, relatively new to homeschooling, I took an online discussion/seminar class focusing on child-led learning. During the class the subject of gaming came up, and someone mentioned a Facebook group that helped the parents of gaming homeschoolers connect their kids with other gaming kids. It was summer and my son was dying for kids to play with online. I posted in the gaming group and soon we got lots of user names of kids.

At first it was hit or miss, but there was one boy that stood out amongst the kids. My son instantly had a synergistic connection with him. Just a few days later laughter filled the gaming room. They were a perfect match. He was also a quirky computer kid, they had the same humor, the both talked non-stop.

The summer months passed, homeschooling life picked up, but the boys always found time to play, sometimes for hours at a time. I knew each day we had to build in blocks of time for this to happen, because it was so important both of them. They cycled through various games.

I soon learned it wasn’t the games, it was the true connection and giddy fun that brought them to the screen each and everyday. Curious about this mysterious world, I would deliberately come into gaming room and work in my laptop. I overheard conversations about anything and everything and more laughter so much laughter. I watched them send funny memes and silly jokes over discord. I watched my son prevail in social situations (when groups of them logged on) that he hadn’t been able to be successful in real life.

I watched those skills translate, almost instantly, to real life.

I got daily updates about the boy and what restaurants were in his town, what homeschooling classes he was taking, what he did that day. One day, after not messaging the boy’s mother for several months, I wrote to her to tell her how I was so happy to have her son in our lives. She told me how much the friendship meant to her son as well. During this exchange she shared that her son had Lyme disease, and that during times where it would flare up gaming was the only way he was able to connect to outside world. I once again relished this unqiue friendship made possible by technology.

Months passed, months turned into a year, more months passed. The boys rarely ever missed a day, unless one of them was away or it was some kind of holiday.

Then last week something happened.
The boy was not online.

First for one day, then two then three and four. My son was devastated, and very worried. I messaged the boys mother and learned that the boy was having a Lyme relapse. I told my son that the boy was not feeling well and not able to play.

More days passed.

On Day Five, my son lost it. He cried and sobbed. I didn’t want him to feel powerless to the situation, so we brainstormed. He decided that given the distance sending a care package was the best option. He wanted to make it special.

He stayed up making drawings, he bought art supplies and painted canvases, he made ink coasters, and for some fun things he asked if we could buy pop models, and graphic novels. The whole time he kept saying I feel better because I know this will make him happy. I just miss him so much, he’s been such a good friend, I love playing with him so much.

The narrative of technology, disconnection, screens and harmful effects is the one that’s most pervasive in our society.
I offer a different perspective, one that I needed my son to show me:  One of empathy, real friends, and true connection.

 

Belinda Bonham Carter resides in Florida with her three children and loves living and learning, embarking on adventures, and sharing the unschooling journey with her children.

 

Have you seen social benefits in your children while/because of online gaming? Share your examples in the comments.
By Sue Patterson 19 Mar, 2024
How do Unschooling Parents find each other? Sue Patterson shares 4 ways that work!
By Sue Patterson 09 Mar, 2024
Let's talk about "Screen Time." We need to shift our conversation with the kids about their love for technology and electronics.
How much is too much technology?
By Sue Patterson 04 Mar, 2024
How much IS too much - when it comes to gaming and surfing the web? Especially if you're going to unschool! Sue Patterson shares strategies for how to tackle the technology in your home!
By Sue Patterson 14 Feb, 2024
What's the big takeaway when an unschooling mom looks back? Lean into the Love. Originally written in 2012, and now updated for 2024, Sue Patterson share's what she wish she had known... way back when.
5 Signs it's time to Unschool
By Sue Patterson 08 Feb, 2024
5 Signs that it may be time for you to start unschooling! Whether you've been homeschooling and it's not working out as planned, or you're looking for alternatives to public schools, here are 5 Signs it may be time to start homeschooling from an unschooling perspective.
By Sue Patterson 23 Jan, 2024
Social media is in a flurry about the Pythagorean Theorem... why we learn it, how we learn it, what's the point? So I decided to ask my Robot Friend how DO we use the Pythagorean Theorem in real life. I think you'll be surprised!
By Sue Patterson 21 Jan, 2024
While no unschooling family would be considered "typical," a few characteristics are common for those who successfully unschool. Sue Patterson solves the mystery and shares what a few of these traits are. Perfect for those who are trying to figure out how to unschool or are looking for how to create a homeschooling routine.
Create a Reverse Bucket List - brainstorming on paper with Post-its
By Guest Blogger 04 Jan, 2024
Spend a little time with family creating your own "reverse bucket list" - identifying and celebrating accomplishments from this past year!
Incomplete Deschooling - Are Homeschoolers Doing it Wrong?
By Sue Patterson 19 Dec, 2023
This Unschooling Mom2Mom podcast/blogpost examines the idea that maybe your homeschooling struggles are because you haven't completely deschooled.
By Sue Patterson 13 Dec, 2023
If this past semester of homeschooling has been lackluster - or worse - it might be time to explore unschooling! Sue Patterson shares 5 Steps to help you move into an unschooling direction.
More Posts
Share by: