Everything Counts

Sue Patterson
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The whole world offers opportunities for a person to learn.
It’s time to see THIS as exactly the education a person needs.
Instead of worrying what to "count" as educational, I'm here to tell you:


EVERYTHING Counts!


Most of us are moving in the direction of our interests… and when we need more information, we find what we need to accomplish what we want to do. Maybe it’s searching out a YouTube video, or googling some articles, or finding someone in our community that can show us. We really have a variety of ways to learn what we need to do what we want to do.

And kids can do this too. If we let them.


Except curriculum companies push certain topics and skills. They require accomplishment by a certain age - not before and not after.


Whether or not it’s in context to the child’s life, isn’t relevant.
Whether they’re interested in a topic, nope, doesn’t matter.

Usually that’s where the curriculum implies or says directly,
“You MAY need this some day, so memorize this now.”

And, as unschoolers - and even educational researchers - all know, when it’s not relevant, it usually doesn’t stick. Why did we memorize so many random things for the quiz on Friday, only to have forgotten it all the next week?

And how about your own retention now as an adult?
It would be interesting (albeit a bit discouraging) to know what PERCENTAGE of information we actually remember from our own school days. Sure, people can pop off a few random facts we recall… but over all, I’m thinking most people’s answer will be, “Not much.”


Unschoolers approach this educational task in a completely different way.

Knowing that the learner decides what they’ll retain - and relevance and context matters most in this - we encourage kids to engage with the world. What that means is diving into interests. Even if it’s Pokemon or sharks, legos or Barbie’s. Following their interest will inevitably take them to a place where they DO need a skill or a concept they don’t have yet. And then THAT will be the catalyst they need to WANT to learn more. Not because mom or dad says “Someday you’ll need it” but because “someday” is TODAY.


I can hear your questions bubbling up about the basics, or how they certainly can’t cover EVERYTHING.

But before we dive into that, I should stop to introduce myself.
I’m Sue Patterson from Unschooling Mom2Mom.


My own kids are grown now (32, 30 and 27) - all off on their own young adult adventures. They were unschooled. We started as a mainstream military family, and school just didn’t fit. I thought, “I can certainly do better than THIS!”  So we dove in.


And... in spite of wanting a more creative sparkly approach, I found myself wanting to duplicate pieces of school - I just didn’t know any better.


But over time, I learned to let those ideas fall away. I learned to trust my kids more. I learned to trust MYSELF more. And I learned that unschooling really does work. That’s why I do this podcast, offer group coaching, courses, guides, and books. I want you to have access to all the information that can help YOU make this work in your family too. It won’t be exactly like mine - it was never meant to be. Unschooling is what a TRULY individualized approach to learning looks like.

So… back to this week’s topic - and your questions about it. Leave a note in the comment if this makes sense - or if you have more questions along these lines that you’d like me to cover in future podcasts. Or join my Creating Confidence membership and get your questions answered right away! Nice to have choices, right?


Engaging with the world offers so much more. Unschooled kids are weaving life and learning all together in a hands-on experiential way. When they can follow their interests (whether it’s a deep dive in a particular area or dabbling and flitting from idea to idea) this helps them learn about their own preferences - how they learn best, what they enjoy, what they don’t enjoy


You really don’t have to slog through curricula to “cover” typical subjects or get into arguments with your kids about “wasting their potential” or “doing what needs to be done.”


Because here’s what no one is telling you:


Embracing a life on their own terms can lead to MORE open doors and fewer expensive missteps. How many disasters could we have avoided if we had learned to not just do what others told us was “best for us” and take the time to know what we want. I get it, that would mean being brave enough to chart our own course - but you can help your kids learn to do that - and develop the courage they need with these smaller steps. And you're right there offering scaffolding.


Learning more abstract concepts is so much easier when their brains are more mature and they see the value in learning it! Plus, having their younger years to play with concepts gives them the opportunity to have a pile of really individualized information for those later abstract concepts to “hook” onto. That’s why we often had trouble ourselves with more abstract ideas - we had no experience or past knowledge to help us make sense of it. But that won’t be the case with a child who is living a full rich life.


Typical Worries


Two concerns usually emerge when I talk about this with parents.
The first is…


What about The Basics?


The basics ARE the basics because they usually show up in our daily activities. We need some of these basic skills. We don’t always need them at eight. And we don’t always even need them at 14. But when they surface, the kids have a reason to learn them. They’ll WANT to learn them so they can do the things they want to do.

And if these basic ideas AREN’T showing up in regular life, you can go in two directions..,
Expose kids to interesting places and experiences where they might be exposed to the ideas.
Or accept that it’s not really all that necessary to know. Because you and the kids are happily clicking along without it right now.


I think the thing that might calm your fears more about this, is the concept that doors don’t close on learning. We’re all learning all kinds of things right now - as adults! No one “prepped” us for all this technology… but we wade in and figure it out. That’s what the kids are doing as they play. If they need to understand fractions to do something as a teenager, it’s not as if it’s too late… sorry,, you didn’t learn it at 8. And even though NOW you’re interested and ready to learn it - easily and without resistance - sorry… no can do. You didn’t do it at 8, with years of redundant practice (probably making you hate math or think you’re no good at it) so, nope. You cannot learn fraction now.

See how silly that sounds?


Our brains can learn whatever we want whenever we want. And that’s the key - “when we want.”


That reminds me of parents who say,

“My kid is so smart! But only in the things he WANTS to know more about. He won’t do the things I show him or expose him to.”

That’s more information to support the concept that


All Learning is Really Up to the Learner.


None of us enjoy being forced to learn something we see as irrelevant or of no consequence in our lives. And that’s often the case when we want our kids to memorize some random fact like some country’s capitol or what the largest river is in the various continents…. If we travel (or if we play games that center around travel or geography) we might WANT to know these random facts… because they wouldn’t be random to us at the moment. See? When the learner needs it, they learn it.


Sometimes parents worry about getting into college if you opt for this kind of unconventional path. Unschooled kids get into college all the time though. They may not have done a boatload of worksheets and quizzes, but they lived full rich lives - and subjects weave through their days all the time.


In fact, the college admission office is much MORE likely to want an applicant who knows themselves and brings a variety of interesting life experiences and relevant skills to the table.


  • It might help to read a little more about deschooling. Deschooling I have some resources to help you peel away the arbitrary aspects of the school experience, and see how it’s ok to focus from the learner’s perspective.
  • I even have an ebook called, Everything Counts, that breaks down hundreds of activities putting them into subject categories so it’s easier for you to SEE how daily life has tons of math, language arts, science, history, technology - all the subjects you’re worrying about!
  • Lastly, I have a membership group where I’ve created a variety of tools to help parents do this. All as part of your monthly membership benefits. And, of course, multiple weekly coaching calls to walk you through them!


So if this is where you struggle - you have so many options to help you untangle it all.

My final thought to share with you on this is this:


Artificially dividing up the world into subjects
is similar to putting speed bumps all over a road that doesn’t need them.


Life doesn’t separate into subjects, so why should we?

Hope that was helpful as we walk along this unschooling path together. Reach out if you need more support. And I’ll talk to you again next week.

 

Want to listen to past podcasts? Or read along? 

Here you go:

Unschooling Mom2Mom Podcasts!

Everything Counts ebook



When we first start unschooling, it's hard to imagine life without subjects. But instead of saying, "Hey, trust me!" I want to show you how so many subjects weave through the kids' (and your!) daily activities.


Click the link to see what I'm talking about - you'll love it!

Get the Book!

Unschooling Guide: Deschooling


This is a fabulous PDF to guide you through the deschooling process. With articles, journal pages, coaching inspiration and ideas, you will have the tools and strategies you need to finally tackle your own deschooling!

Your Deschooling Guide!

You Need a Supportive Community!!


My Creating Confidence Membership Group helps sooo many families overcome those feelings of isolation. We really weren't meant to do this all by ourselves.


After25 years of talking with families on this unschooling journey, I have a lot of information to share with members. And I've cultivated a wonderful community of unschooling parents who can brainstorm with you, offering you places to vent or celebrate.


You don't have to do this alone!

Join Us Today!
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Unschooling Red Flags January Signals You Shouldn’t Ignore Quite a few people didn’t send their kids back to school after the holiday break! For some, this is brand new. Fall didn’t go well and they’re just going to sit this one out. I get that. Others are continuing with what they’ve been doing. They weren’t in school last semester and they’re not going this semester either. And then some - a lot of you, from what I can tell - are inching more toward unschooling. Maybe you tried a modified homeschooling effort before the holidays, but it wasn’t great. Today I want to talk about Red Flags. And I want to encourage you not to ignore them! Ok! Whether you’re just here for a little inspiration (your weekly unschooling peptalk!) or it’s all new and you’re kinda nervous - I’m glad you’re here! I’m Sue Patterson, your host here on these Unschooling Mom2Mom podcasts. My kids are all grown - all in their 30s now - and I’m circling back to let you know that unschooling really does work. Door won’t close because you choose this unconventional path. You may have questions or worries - and that’s what I try to tackle here in the podcast. And then if you want to dive deeper or get more support, I have courses, and guides, ebooks and calendars. I do private coaching and have a FABULOUS membership group where you can talk with other parents on this path too. I’ll put links to all of this in the notes for you. We all go through different phases when we’re on this unschooling journey. Some are harder, some are easier. It’s one of the reasons I do this podcast. I want you to know that it’s worth it. It’s worth plowing through the confusion or even the criticism. Maybe your kids aren’t acting the way you thought they would. It’s a process for them too, you know. I always tell my membership group that parents have to undo all that schooled conditioning, all those ideas of what’s legit learning and what’s not, all those People Pleasing traits we picked up along the way. And the kids… they have to figure out how to handle all this freedom. And, let’s face it. We’re all human. And most of us, don’t get things right on the first pass. We inch along, a few steps forward, a few steps back… but when we stay with it, we make progress. So that’s what I want to help you do now. It’s January. A New Year. And a few of the questions are popping up: Especially, How are they learning what they need to know? It’s a bit of a loaded question… because sometimes, when we ask this, we already have a pre-set idea of what THINK they need to know. The Basics, right? Or some particular subject? And then, interestingly, we seem to move the goalposts as the kids master these things. Like, now they can read, but can they write? Or now they can divide up their cookies evenly, but what about their times tables… or even Algebra? Because then, as they get into the teen years, we have new goals, right? As I was talking on this week’s coaching call in my membership group, I was mentioning Red Flags. Because even if we have been unschooling a while, these little red flags pop up. Like “Are they learning enough?” “Are they behind other kids their age?” Am I Doing enough?” These are examples of red flags for you. It’s not the checkered flag that’s giving you the signal to push more on your kid or up the ante a little, or Go Go Go!. It’s your red flag telling you something is off. Truth is, you already know that. You feel it. It’s your nudge to do a little more deschooling. Or at LEAST bring these worries out into the open so you can look at them clearly. Where DO these fears come from? Are they based in facts or based in those feelings of familiarity? Because familiarity does not necessarily mean Truth. It just means you’ve heard it or thought it a lot - often enough that it FEELS familiar. But it really may not be the truth. That’s why shining the light to see - do I feel defensive about it? Justified? Have I thought it through with this unschooling lens, so to speak? Could they learn it later? Is the timing truly significant? Do others learn it later and they turn out ok? That’s why it helps to have a community of Unschoolers to bounce these ideas around with. You MAY stick with the original idea - but it will be deliberate and intentional. And if you’re only around mainstream people or traditional homeschoolers, it’s very possible that they’ll just reinforce the fear because THEY’d prefer that you get back into the conforming mode. They have a lot of reasons to do this - and it’s not always because it’s what’s best for YOUR child. That’s why it helps to strengthen your ideas about all of this. You don’t want to just blow whichever way the strongest wind blows. You want to make good solid choices that fit YOUR child. What would some other red flags be? If you are either feeling like my kid's not motivated, my kid's not doing anything, my kid doesn’t know math - or history or science… That's a red flag. If you think, I'm overwhelmed. Why are they asking so much of me? Nobody appreciates me. I’m feeling disengaged. That's a red flag. If you are thinking, the neighbor's kid is National Honor Society and my kid doesn't even know how to set up a division problem. Or, we just need more structure, this is too chaotic. More red flags. So what are yours? They’re not insurmountable. And, actually, Red Flags are helpful. They let you know what you need to work on. They’re your guideposts for what you need to tackle next. Identifying them is the first step. You can do it in a DIY way - Identify the issues that are your Red Flags, and then search the podcasts or the YouTube playlists for these topics. When you go to the blog associated with it - or even the descriptions for those audios or videos, I have additional resources linked that can help you dive deeper. If DIY isn’t really your think, and you’d like a little more help so you can move through this more quickly, I help parents do this in the Creating Confidence Membership group - and I have a lot of tools to help with this. You can always join us. And remember, podcast listeners and YouTUbe subscribers don’t have to pay the sign up fee. Just month-by-month. I’ll link to that too, because it may be a good time for you to get more help. I think I know a lot of the red flags, because I've probably had them all. Or I've certainly seen them all. I've definitely seen a variety of ways people can red flag themselves into a darn near panic attack. So don’t look away. They usually don’t resolve themselves and you deserve to have kinder voices in your head. If yours is particularly obnoxious, it’s important to look closely at the specifics. This will be the only way to know if the voices are right, or just nagging. Maybe it’s People Pleasing or Perfectionist traits that you need to dismantle. It’s important to do this, because it’s going to prevent you from having any Joy or enjoyment in these adventures. But also because your kids are watching how you cope… you may have removed them from the school setting, but did you bring home some of these attitudes YOU learned in school about performance and measuring or comparing, criticism and disappointment? Let’s get this out of the equation so you can assess the situation more accurately. So when you have a lot of fears popping up, see them as the red flags that they are. And take some Steps to work through them. Think about whether you really believe what you’re hearing, or is it someone else’s take on things? Can you think of any examples where this thought isn’t true? Specific examples. Then it’s time to do a little rewiring to stop that thought process. Do something that will interrupt the flow. Go for a walk outside. Listen to some music. Put on some headphones. These kinds of activities can stop you from spiraling into more negative self-talk. I have a lot more ideas as well as examples of Red Flags in the membership group - if this feels like something you’d like to work on. There are also 2 Guides that might be helpful: One is called “Am I Doing Enough” and the other is “Deschooling.” Both really good options. They’re still available in the shop for a couple more months, but they’re always in the Membership resources. So... Red Flags. Let’s learn to look for them. And make some changes so we don’t have to live with these worries. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop all the second-guessing? I remember that phase so well! Feel free to let me know how you’re doing with this over in the Facebook Group. I’ll post the link to this podcast and we can talk about it there! Tell me what YOUR Red Flags are and how you’re working through them. You can do this. I’m over here rooting for you! So learn more about unschooling and deschooling, get the support you need -including self-care, and, most importantly, connect with your kids! Have a great week and I’ll be back to talk with you again soon.
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