I don’t mind the term at all anymore. I used to avoid it, because I wasn’t completely sure we’d stick with such a different way of approaching learning. Maybe I wanted to give myself room to back out, if we needed to.
When my kids were younger and we were “in the thick of it,” I didn’t really care about whether we were considered unschoolers or not. We were part of pretty eclectic group of homeschoolers and people referred to us as one of The Unschoolers. At the time, only one or two books about unschooling existed and, of course, we read them. But they didn’t govern our lives.
Back then, the label didn’t have all the cool groovy connotations it has now. Actually, people wrote about how unschoolers were going to be the unraveling of the homeschooling movement. Terms like “educational neglect,” were tossed around.
While we noticed their comments, we didn’t really react much. We just lived. We wrote about how much fun our families were having learning together. We dove in, connected with our kids and got creative. The kids continued to grow and blossom naturally.
And, yes, they learned – every single day.
Today, unschooling seems a little different. People want to BE unschoolers before they even understand it. They’ve read about it. Unschooling sounds intriguing, so they latch onto it. They want to leave the school system and quickly find a place to fit in. We’ve been conditioned to need a group or a tribe to function.
But when people care more about the label of unschooling than actually unschooling their children, a problem exists.
The cart is before the horse. The bowl is hotter than the soup.
And lots of people want to take advantage of those fears. People declare themselves unschooling gurus and want to show you how to “do it right.” Many of these gurus don’t even have grown children yet. They’re not even done! How could they possibly advise someone else?
All too many people are eager to sit and listen/read along. People desperately want instructions!
The only real instructions are this:
Get to know your child. What makes them tick? What inspires them? Do those things.
Explore with them. Discover new places. Read maps. Go places.
Build a beautiful nest. Create a home environment full of interesting art and music and games and food. Let the home be the place where everyone feels nurtured.
Individualization. Remember that your children are not extensions of you. They have a their own path and their own choices to make. Your job is just to clear away some of the undergrowth that’s trying to get in their way. Stay tuned into what THEY want to do or to be. Help them with that.
Get Your Priorities Straight. Your relationship with them is all that matters. Learning a particular thing at a particular age, but sacrificing your relationship with them? Please don’t.
Realize that it’s years of programming happening in YOUR head saying things have to be a certain way. Often it's not true at all.
I would caution anyone new to unschooling to worry less about whether you’re unschooling the right way and pay more attention to your own kids.
Notice if you have a tendency to stay on the computer to read “just a little bit more,” and if all these fabulous tools are a distraction or a way to procrastinate from plunging in. Sometimes when we’re so focused on getting it right (which is translated into we’re afraid we’re screwing up royally!) we don’t get around to starting. Or we don’t dive in and give it all we can. Of course, there are all kinds of psychological reasons for this, and everyone will have to identify their own obstacles.
My dad used to say,
“Too much analysis leads to paralysis.”
And as someone who OFTEN chooses to procrastinate, it’s a great tool for continuing to intellectualize all the nuances instead of simply starting. Remember that those blogs, email lists, websites and catalogs are just tools for YOU to use. Not vice versa. Don’t let any of it distract you from the fact that your kids are standing right there in front of you. And you have this glorious adventure awaiting you WITH them! Seize the day!
Your relationship with them.
Those are the only things that matter.
Need Some More Support?
You're not alone! Sometimes when we choose this somewhat unconventional path, we need to connect with a few other parents on the same path. It's so great to be able to share successes - and brainstorm solutions to problems!
I've created a private membership group just for this purpose - it's called Creating Confidence! I offer coaching within the group, in live streams, and weekly coaching calls. If you're feeling isolated, this is probably just what you're looking for!